Sunday, August 23, 2009

What Dreams May Come...

I lay in bed with the same feeling as always for restlessness has settled in and I toss and turn. Please God let me dream tonight, I silently pray, for it's been too long. I close my eyes and concentrate, willing slumber to wash over me as I imagine a warmth that speads down me from head to toe. Each muscle I consciously calm and relax as they loosen and stop their tightened reactions. My breathing deepens and I pull the darkness around me, a cloak of solitude and peace that I hold close. From deep within my heart there is a cry of hope. Will tonight be the night I will once again walk in the world of dreams?

I open my eyes to a scene I am familiar with but one I've never lived. I look around me and see that I am in our small, humble, yet happy home. The shaggy grey dog is chewing on a stick that he brought in from outside our little haven of peaceful solitude. The fire crackles and brings my attention to it. Oh, how could I have forgotten of the task at hand? I reach out and slowly stir the bubbling mixture of rabbit, broth and the few vegetables we still have. Thankfully winter is almost over and we will once again go into the woods to reap the bounties it has to offer. I breath in the rich scent of the rabbit as it slowly cooks on the hearth. He will be pleased tonight. I turn and walk to the wooden chair that sits next to the door and begin again to work on my sewing of his new tunic. It will be a surprise and I hope a happy one for I am almost done, just a few more stitches remain. Pulling the sinew tight after each hole the awl has punched, I make each and every stitch a reflection of my feelings for him. A sound of distant thunder rumbling throatily through the sky and I smile. I have finished! I turn the tunic back around and look at my handiwork, pleased to have completed this particular show of affection. Before the dog has caught the scent I know He has arrived and is walking toward our home. It is the only true home we've either known for it is ours. The location and materials that make up the room is of little consequence but the feelings that are within it are indeed what makes this a special place, a place of belonging. I open the door and walk to meet my Love, the tunic neatly folded and held behind my back. From a distance, I can see His long dark hair being whipped by the wind of the coming snow. It trails up and away from the rockface that He has turned the corner round, reaching for the sky like little arms calling to god to be held. His smile is brilliant and I love that He always shows it so when He looks upon me. I quicken my pace and reach for Him as my feet carry me closer, wanting to fall into His arms and tell Him how I've missed Him so. His eyes sparkling with the fire of life, He opens his arms to welcome me into their warm protective circle. A beaming smile graces my lips as I take the final two steps that remain before I am home in His embrace.

The harsh, echoing, metallic sound of sirens awakens me and my eyes fly open. No! Not again! I was so close, I could almost recall the scent of His hair and the warmth of His touch. The dream fades and as always is replaced with sorrow and loss. Silent tears trail down my cheeks and soak into the cloth as I hug the pillow close to my face and cling to what little I remember before it too gets swept away. For the second time tonight I pray...tomorrow night, please let me dream once more.

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