Hello all! I have been asked a great deal recently why I had stopped posting on this blog and where I had gone. As we all know, sometimes life takes a turn that we cannot foresee and we must become aware of a new reality and adjust to it. For many years, I had daily, easy and free access to the internet as well as a computer of my own that I did not feel concerned about having certain adult-themed content on. Some time ago, this changed. Though I do have access to a computer temporarily (at least for the next couple months), I do not own this computer and therefore I need to be respectful in what sort of content I access and/or create on it.
I can assure any ongoing readers that check on this blog occasionally over the years that I will never, EVER just give up on it. There may be large gaps of time in between posts, but I will always return, sooner or later. This blog has seen me through a great deal of change and growth and as such I have come to see it as an old friend.What kinds of things have changed, you may ask? Well, one of the biggest changes you may notice is my evolution from submissive/slave to switch and finally to full dominant. I am not ashamed of my submissive beginnings, nor do I regret them. Learning what it is to submit to another, the strength it takes to bend one's will to that of someone else, the beauty of true submission...all of this was a powerful and amazing experience for me. I found though, that this was an experience I found myself wishing to share. I wanted to be able to bring that kind of joy and spark into another's eyes. Are my previous Master and I still together? No. Not as a couple anyway. We have discovered that we make far better friends then lovers and as a result he remains one of my very best friends to this day.
I have since taken a pet of my own. My Matthew has allowed me to help him open himself to new worlds of sensation and emotion. He is a devoted, handsome and wonderful man that I am so very proud of! I find such fulfillment in teaching him, exploring with him, showing him what he is capable of and then seeing the light fill his eyes as he discovers that he is so much more then he previously thought. He is my joy, my pride and my darling little pussycat. I find that the happiness he brings into my life is the sort that settles my soul. The interesting thing is, he is also a force to be reckoned with in his own right! I have discovered that I am not the sort to want someone to blindly follow me. I want someone that will more likely be the wolf by my side then the puppy at my feet. I want someone that shows strength to everyone and then chooses to use that strength to please me. So when I call him my pussycat, make no mistake, he is also my dragon. I am proud to call him mine for he is a strong and powerful man that has earned the privilege of being such by way of his words, deeds and actions. Because of all of this, I love him beyond measure.
I'm a 32 years old woman with two parents, a sister, a couple cats and a man that I am head over heels for. I was a shy girl when I was growing up, painfully shy. I guess you could say I've grown out of that part. lol. I have spent the majority of my life with my nose buried deep in some book or another. We moved around a lot when I was growing up, making it difficult to make and keep friends, so I learned to entertain myself and be comfortable in isolation at an early age. Eventually we settled in California when I was 9 years old and I would spend the next 20 years there.
In high school, I developed a love for writing as well and I discovered along the way that I wasn't terrible at it. It was hard letting other people read my words though. They were something I put my soul into and at the time I thought that if someone decided my words were worthless, that it would be tantamount to telling me my soul was worthless. It took time to learn otherwise but eventually I did. But it was not a lesson I learned quickly enough. You see, my fear of others led to my being intimidated into thinking that there was no way that I, being so young, could possibly make it with a career as a writer. So I decided to work in a video store instead. And I put the pen down for right about 10 years.
During my ten year hiatus from writing I went through a rocky, abusive marriage. I spent a great deal of time trying to figure out what I wanted to do with the rest of my life. I read everything I could get my hands on, ranging through all manner of subjects. I thought for a while I might want to become a veterinarian. That only lasted until I realized that I have a real hard time seeing animals suffer in pain and sickness.
However I did discover I had a knack for helping the elderly feel better, both physically and mentally. So I became a caregiver for a while. The trouble with that was that I soon came to understand that I become too attached to those around me. I care too much at times because I don't hold back. So it became hard when I would care for these wonderful men and women and develop such close friendships with them, only to see their light eventually dim and fade away until they would extinguish. It became too hard for me to continue my job and so I chose to take simple clerical job instead while I emotionally healed from all of the loss.
My journey has been a long one and is in no way over. There are certain things that have been present my entire life that has set me apart, made me different from others. For instance, I have been empathic from birth. When I was young I thought everyone was this way but later learned this is not the case. It caused much confusion in childhood because I had much trouble discerning between my own emotions and the emotions of those around me. When I became a little older I learned a sense of balance which helped me to distinguish between the two and gain a certain sense of peace.
I was raised in a very strict Christian family that didn't view anything outside their belief system in a favorable manner. This single fact caused havoc in my life when I awakened at the age of 18 because as my abilities strengthened and I gained further insight into the thoughts of others, I became feared and chastised for it. A few people even went so far as to tell me that I’d been possessed by the Devil. Needless to say this crushed me and hurt a great deal. I left organized religion behind altogether as a result. I still consider myself a spiritual person but unlike my family and those that I was raised with at the church, I don't believe in pushing my beliefs on anyone else. Everyone needs to walk their own path and spirituality is a very personal thing. Not everyone has to believe the same way but we do all have to live together and find a way to accept one another’s beliefs and make our differences into our strength rather then our weakness.
After I left the church, I spent about a decade ignoring my own nature out of ignorance. I walked a few different paths in search of something to fill the void and emptiness I had within me but to no avail. This caused me years of poor health and depression and virtually destroyed my marriage. One thing that remained quite constant was the sensual overture to many of the paths that I walked. I found that I always felt better when I was in environments in which sexuality was a theme, even when I was not actively participating...in fact especially when I was not actively participating. Now I'm not the voyeuristic type but just the presence of such highly charged energy would settle something within me, causing me to be less desperate to find that ever elusive something that was missing in my life. This caused me to develop relatively close ties to the BDSM lifestyle as a submissive. However, because of my on again off again marriage issues I later distanced myself from such things and therefore cut off the most potent source of energy that I had found.
Then a year and a half ago I ended having surgery to replace two of the disks in my neck with artificial ones. The doctors expected me to be in traction for about 6 months afterward. However, to everyone's surprise (including myself) I was actually up and out of bed walking to the bathroom later the same day, as soon as the anesthesia had worn off. I was back at work a month later. This caused the doctors to want to make a case study of my surgery and recovery. I figured that perhaps they could also answer some of the other questions I had. Extensive blood work, body scans, practically every test under the sun and not a thing was found to explain the speed of my recovery other then some enzyme levels that were a bit wonky.
Well, this caused me to begin to wonder if perhaps I should look outside the realms of science for the answers I sought. I began to do research on empathy and quite literally stumbled across the Vampire Community. At first, as I read, I kept asking myself why I didn't just stop since it was just nonsense. But something inside kept me reading and I found myself understanding so much of what was being said that quite frankly, I was shaken by it. It didn't take as long as I would have thought to get used to the idea that this was the answer I had been searching for over the past 15 years. In fact it was more like something had just clicked in my life, like the final tumbler in a lock falling into place and opening the door to a new yet familiar world. Upon contact with others like myself, I had a sense of family, of friends long lost and now reunited.
Late last year I ended up leaving my rocky marriage behind for good. And I have since been reunited with the one man that has haunted my dreams since I was a little girl. We’ve spent almost every single lifetime together in one way or another. We are twin flames and the moment I crossed paths with him, I knew that I had finally come home and I was completely and utterly whole once more. He ended up picking up on my submissive tendencies and a few months down the road he asked me if I would wish to wear his collar. Ecstatic at the prospect, I enthusiastically agreed. He is none other then the love of my lives, my heart and soul, Sabastian.
Well, it appears that I made quite the lengthy intro here but at least you've hopefully gotten a better feel for who I am and where I come from. I know I can be rather wordy at times...lol.
The water is warm as we take the time to splash and play despite the danger that is coming on the horizon. We feel it will be our last day and we spend it celebrating our love together. No fear, no regrets. We have loved with a passion to match the ages and together we will stand united to die the same way we have lived, as one. We will make the final stand, outnumbered and against all odds…not that unusual for us. But this time, we know our path may end come nightfall. We leave the pool of clearest water and lay side my side in the grass, entwined in love and pleasures. The world that awaits us melts away and we revel in one last day of basking in one another’s glory. There are no tears. Only the tender smiles that light upon soft lips with gentle kisses and fevered caresses. An urgency meets our lovemaking with the dying of the light and we melt into one another, drinking down each others soul with every heated touch and gasping moan. We devour our love for one another. For tonight we will face death and as one we will conquer it without a flinching eye…for we know that we have had each other in our lives always, and we always will. We take the final steps into the jaws of hell and a fierce battle cry is echoed through both of our chests.
Our last words…my love, we will meet again! We once more unite as our lives bleed out to soak into the ground and mingle along with our last breath of air...
And so those words have echoed throughout time...one life to the next...until you came to me once more. So you see my love, we were right...we conquered death with unflinching eyes and have returned to one another's arms. This is true love that survives all, life, death, pain, joy, fear, courage...we are meant for one another as we remain together, forever united. I love you darling...forever.
The grounds surrounding the castle are shrouded in shadows. I stand on the balcony and smell the rich scent of flowers unlike any other. Sweet, honeyed, soothing and fruity all at once, they give the sense of homecoming. Every time I have ever crossed the bridge onto these grounds I have been greeted by the aroma of them and it always brings me peace, a knowing that I am where I belong. The balmy breeze blows, gently ruffling my hair across my features and the caress of the air against my skin as it penetrates the gauzy fabric of my nightdress brings a slight shiver at the sensation of touch that is so much like his fingertips brushing across me.I feel a tug at the edge of my mind and a smile touches my lips softly. He has returned. I can sense my love approaching at this very moment. My brows furrows suddenly when I notice he is attempting to ignore the fact that he is in pain. The smell of his blood greets my mind and I turn abruptly to run through the attached bedchamber. My bare feet create a slapping sound against the stone beneath them as I am carried down flights of stairs and through a series of rooms in ever quickening succession. My heart is in my throat when I reach the entrance and just at that moment we comes into view.My wide eyes take in the site of him, surveying what damage there may be as I rush to his side. There is a gash across his brow that causes half his face to be hidden behind the crimson of his essence. I touch his arm and he turns to me with no hint of pain, a loving smile across his bloodied lips. Tears pour from my eyes and I hug him to me fiercely. A low chuckle emanates from his chest and he holds me close.“I am fine little one. Don’t fear for me, I have returned to you whole and well. This appears worse then it is, I assure you. Besides, do not think I had not seen the look of hunger that crossed those pretty eyes of yours before your emotions took hold.” He smiles mischievously and pulls me close as we walk back the way I had come.A brilliantly bright blush creeps up my throat and face and I hide my evil grin by burying my face in the crook of his arm. I cannot hide the giggles though. It is always the same with him. He sees what no one else does. He sees the dark within and loves me all the more for it. I close my eyes and say a quick thanks to the Source as I do upon every return he makes to our home. I lift my head once more and stop us in our tracks as I pull him to me and lap gently at his lips, drinking him in and making a promise for more to come.
I have gone through many years of personal evolution. In the BDSM subculture I started 15 years ago as a submissive/slave and have since grown into my current role of dominant. Though I do occasionally switch, I have learned that I gain the most satisfaction and fulfillment from guiding my own sub/pet through the wonders of exploring his fantasies and the exhilaration of pushing his limits. I also identify myself as a multi-hybrid vampire and otherkin.
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