Heal Me

Heal me for my soul is tired and weary

This world takes its toll upon me

Trudging from one day to the next

Mundane stress and monotony

Financial security and vile materialism

Spewed forth like vomit by the masses

I want to go home

Heal my heart so heavy with grief

This world is such a burden now

When once I took joy in its creation

But now I am a part of it and I want out

Heave this yolk from upon my shoulders

Let the world be dealt its fate at last

I just want to go home

Heal me now and take me back

To the World of Shadows, my dark paradise

The place of my birth and downfall

When I chose this other path

The hearth is warm and bright

I can smell the sweet scent of flowers

As they encircle the castle grounds

Let me take you home

Let me heal your troubled mind

With cobbled streets darkly lit

And power within softly glowing eyes

Shining with an inner light

Come with me and I shall show you

A whole new way of life

But if you tremble you’ll be eaten alive

I’ll show you the way home

A healed heart that beats like a hammer

We shall touch the very heavens

While standing within our hell

One more step down the spiral of madness

Salvation awaits us with open arms

No longer tiresome or world weary

We slake our thirst for life once more

A Study In Erotica: 9/23/09 Fantasy Art!!!

Vampiric Abilties: Fact or Fiction

From the newly awakened to the seasoned mentor, most Vampires are fascinated with what abilities they might possibly be able to learn and/or master. For those that are just at the beginning stages of learning, this can be one of the most exciting parts of the process. When I first stumbled across the Vampire Community, I actually didn't believe that Real Vampires existed, despite the fact that I had awakened a little over a decade beforehand. One of the things that kept me progressing in my efforts to learn more was the fact that in continuing to read the words of other's experiences, I began to notice certain similarities between their stories and my own. The largest portion of these similarities lay within the subject of the abilities that they had noticed having. So in keeping with the effort to aid in the furthering of accurate and reliable knowledge within this group, I felt it would perhaps be beneficial to begin this thread as a place to discuss the various abilities that we as Vampires are capable of. I will address a few in the following paragraphs but please come forward to add your own questions and comments on the subject. There is no way I could possibly cover all viable abilities in this one post, but perhaps by discussing some of them it will spark some inner reflection in which you, the reader, will be spurred on to think of others.

First, let's dispel a few myths regarding Vampiric Abilities.

There are two separate varieties that these myths often take form as. First there is the outright fictional type of myths. These are the ones that we could not accomplish by any stretch of the imagination. Such as the ability to change our form to that of a bat or the ability to fly. Real Vampires can do neither unfortunately (though I admit it would be pretty cool if we could). The second type of myth are those that serve as an exaggeration of real abilities. A couple examples of this would be the myth that states that we have "superhuman" strength and speed and could easily outrun a speeding car or even lift a bus as if it weighed nothing. These are the tricky sort of myths because, although we may have slightly quicker reactions or may be stronger then one would expect for someone of our stature, we still remain within the range of human possibility. For instance, we could not lift a car on a whim but much as it has been known that a mother can find the strength to lift a vehicle off of her toddler by the strength of her will and adrenaline alone, many of us are also capable of such feats of strength in the event of an emergency. In a non-emergency situation however, we are only capable of slightly increased strength. Though we cannot outrun a speeding car, we can often at will put on a burst of speed as we run that is slightly faster then one would imagine to be possible. In other words, upon taking notice of our abilities an outside observer might say something like, "Wow...that person is stronger then they look!" or "That person has great reflexes!". However you should not expect to hear anyone refer to you as being "faster then a speeding bullet" anytime soon because if you do, you will surely be disappointed.

So what types of abilities are possible?

There are some that are physical in nature such as having a more sensitive sense of smell, acute hearing or highly developed night vision. These are common. There are also those that are more mental or psychic in nature such as Empathy which, although they not exclusively vampiric abilities, they do occur in higher percentages within the Vampire population then they do within the Mundane (mainstream human) population. Below I will list some of these abilities.

Empathy - the ability to transmit emotions over a distance or experience someone else's emotions as one's own

Telepathy - the ability to transmit thoughts over a distance or read someone's mind

Clairvoyance - the ability to see things that are outside the normal range of perception

Clairaudience - the ability to hear things outside the normal range of perception

Precognition - having knowledge of an event before it occurs by means of extrasensory perception

Astral Projection - the ability to seperate one's soul from their physical body and leave the physical body for a limited time to roam the astral plane or travel to other locations within the physical world and/or interact with other people.

Divination - the ability to foretell future events or reveal truth with unusual insight by means of occult practices such as the reading of tarot cards, tea leaves, crystal balls, astrological charts, numerology, palm reading, etc, etc.

Retrocognition - the ability to see objects or events in the past that one has no way of having had previous knowledge of

Psychokinesis (PK) - the ability to move objects or affect physical processes outside the body through mental effort alone. This is also often referred to as Telekinesis.

Aura reading - learning about people by perceiving the colored aura that surrounds them

Dreamwalking - entering another person's dream while you also are in a unconsious state or calling another into your own dream.

Pyrokinesis (one of several forms of elemental manipulation) - being able to manipulated fire by sheer will of thought.

What is the cause of Vampirism??

I was recently asked, "Does anyone know why vampires have 'leaky energy' in the first place?" There are a multitude of theories out there regarding what the cause of vampirism (or more specifically, the need to feed) really is. Some say it is caused by damaged chakras, a theory which would lend itself to the concept of the vampire's inability to keep the energy that their systems produce. Others say it is something akin to a scientific or medical malady created by man by way of a virus that has caused some sort of mutation on the basic DNA makeup of an otherwise completely normal individual. A virus which is currently only able to be treated through metaphysical means by way of feeding. Which of course, would cause one to wonder if perhaps someday there will be a medical answer...a "cure" for vampirism so to speak. Still others believe that vampires don't necessarily leak energy but instead just don't produce enough of it on their own to be able to maintain a healthy and happy life. There are even those that believe that feeding isn't needed to replenish a deficient energy system so much as simply being a tool. One which is used to achieve greater use and control of one's abilities and therefore eventually leading to the ascension of one's higher self.

However, no one really knows for sure why we are the way we are. I suspect this is because there actually isn't one universal answer that covers all of us. I say this because despite the many different theories available out there, most have one specific theory that seems to make more sense to them then the others. Even among those that haven't heard any the various theories, upon deep self reflection many find that they will pose a theory on their own. And it will, most times, be among one of the already proposed possibilities for the cause of vampirism.

My personal thoughts on the subject is that there isn't one cause, one reason. In my opinion, I think there are various causes. Perhaps, only when we look at each person on a case by case basis, will we be discover each person's individual reason for being of such a nature. In my case, I know that the cause of my own vampirism is due to none of the above theories. The reason I need to feed is that I use my energy up very quickly. I produce it just as well as any non-vampiric person. In fact I would actually hazard to guess that if there were a way to physically measure such a thing, one would find I might even produce energy within my personal stores faster then normal. However I still use it up too fast and this is not something I have control over. It just takes a great deal of energy to maintain many of my abilities. Empathy, telepathy, telekinesis, astral projection, energy work, healing and dream walking all take energy to maintain and/or accomplish. Because many of these abilities are not of the sort that I can easily switch on or off, i have no say in whether my energy get's used this way or not. The abilities are there to stay but they do cost me. Therefore vampirism is the only answer for me. Even if I went to a healer, they could not help me because it is not caused by some sort of damage that would benefit from a healers touch.

Psi-chology: Is it physical or metaphysical?

Upon awakening, most of us seek help from medical professionals to find some sort of relief for the issues that plague us (and rightly so). Unfortunately, some though, never get beyond this stage but rather go on the rest of their lives jumping from one doctor to the next, one medication to the next, one diagnosis to the next, all in an effort to recover and feel normal again. They may not be aware of the community of kindred, or they may simply be trying so hard to bring themselves back to a “normal” mental state that to allow oneself to give in to such fantastical thoughts would be in the opposite direction from what they believe recovery should be.

But then, there are also a few that run across the vampire and otherkin community and decide straight out of the gate that they must be “something” but they don’t know what and they never bother to look for any other answers to the problems they might be dealing with. The danger in this is they may be looking for metaphysical answers to completely mundane problems and by doing so may be actually harming themselves in the long run by allowing such a condition to worsen over time while they try to decide what form of otherkin they are.

Then there are some that have found a bit of balance between these two extremes. They sought out scientific, medical and psychological answers first and upon these things failing to bring any relief or comfort they moved on to less traditional answers and found that they were indeed not so much “ill” but rather just a bit different then other folks. This of course is the balanced and ideal way for it to occur.

But what about those folks that just so happen to be both of a kindred nature as well as dealing with a medical or psychological disorder? This is a much more common occurrence then you might think. We all have issues, we all live out our lives within human shells that are susceptible to germs, malfunctions, chemical imbalances and death. So it can be very tricky to know when something that is troubling us, is something that we should seek help for, or if it is something that is related to and caused by our inner nature.

Personally, I tend to assume that my own problems are often a combination of the two…both physical and metaphysical causes. There are some issues that I just know are purely mundane of course…the fact that I have to wear glasses or contacts to see well, the fact that I tend to be a bit OCD sometimes (obsessive-compulsive disorder, I feel the need to count things on occasion or put things in order according to symmetry), the fact that I had some bad discs in my spine that needed replacing….all of these have physical causes and explanations.

But then there are certain physical issues that I have that become exacerbated by metaphysical ones. For instance, I can be a bit ADHD (attention deficit hyperactivity disorder) and when I have recently fed very well or am feeling a greater then usual need to feed, well the issue becomes worse for me and I have even more trouble focusing on one thought for any length of time.

There are also things that I know are caused by purely metaphysical reasons for me as well. I was once diagnosed as being Bipolar (extreme mood swing cycles from manic to depressed and back again) but once I learned how to manage my need to feed this particular issue went away for me entirely. If I am getting depressed for no good cause then it is a red flag to me that I may need to feed. If I am overly excitable, antsy, irritable and generally manic, then I understand that I need to do some relaxation exercises, grounding and centering to bring myself back to where I need to be.

It takes a lot of time to get to know yourself and your body to the point that you can understand whether something has a physical or metaphysical cause though, so when I am in doubt about a new situation that occurs, I tend to treat the issue as a combo deal. I seek help for any possible physical causes but don’t ignore the metaphysical possibilities either. This way I am not ignoring a possibly devastating and debilitating problem that could have been treated with early detection, nor am I allowing a problem to continue just because doctors may not know the cause. As in all things, for me balance is key.

Take Me Down

Take me to the edge of my wits

This insanity that pulls on me

Drive me crazy with your love

And make me beg for more

Because you are my world

You’ve sucked me in

No escaping this madness

And please don’t ever stop

Take me down

Drag me under

Wrap my hair into your hand

Pull me to you

Hold me close

Don’t let go

I need it

I want it

I love it

So let this madness be salvation

This heart, it races

Your touch is my downfall

And I’m smiling the whole way

In your gaze I bask

Your pride takes me over

I purr for only you

And hold my breath

For the next touch

The next kiss

You’ve taken me captive

For I am yours

Forever more

Devoted

Willing

Eager

The Perfect Drug

Be my fire love

This skin that twitches as I crave

Endless addiction to your soul

Take me higher love

Intense reactions leave me breathless

Eyes rolled back in ecstasy

You’re my perfect drug

Be my fire love

I drown in your absence

Your words shoot through my veins

Take me higher love

Wrapped up in your energy

I bite my lip and pray for more

You’re my perfect drug

Be my fire love

Heated gaze that sears my mind

Your breath upon my neck

Take me higher love

Hold me closer to this bliss

I’m falling, won’t look back

You’re my perfect drug

Be my fire love

Burn me up and kiss the ashes

Please take all I offer

Take me higher love

Your kisses are my rapture

And I beg for just one more

You’re my perfect drug

Ebook: Tantra - Soul Sex For Two

Soul Sex- Tantra for Two

And So We Meet Again, My Love

Laughing, loving, needing, wanting, giving, living…

The water is warm as we take the time to splash and play despite the danger that is coming on the horizon. We feel it will be our last day and we spend it celebrating our love together. No fear, no regrets. We have loved with a passion to match the ages and together we will stand united to die the same way we have lived, as one. We will make the final stand, outnumbered and against all odds…not that unusual for us. But this time, we know our path may end come nightfall. We leave the pool of clearest water and lay side my side in the grass, entwined in love and pleasures. The world that awaits us melts away and we revel in one last day of basking in one another’s glory. There are no tears. Only the tender smiles that light upon soft lips with gentle kisses and fevered caresses. An urgency meets our lovemaking with the dying of the light and we melt into one another, drinking down each others soul with every heated touch and gasping moan. We devour our love for one another. For tonight we will face death and as one we will conquer it without a flinching eye…for we know that we have had each other in our lives always, and we always will. We take the final steps into the jaws of hell and a fierce battle cry is echoed through both of our chests.

Our last words…my love, we will meet again! We once more unite as our lives bleed out to soak into the ground and mingle along with our last breath of air...

And so those words have echoed throughout time...one life to the next...until you came to me once more. So you see my love, we were right...we conquered death with unflinching eyes and have returned to one another's arms. This is true love that survives all, life, death, pain, joy, fear, courage...we are meant for one another as we remain together, forever united. I love you darling...forever.

My Time In The Box

I went for a few years once without feeding. Worst...thing....ever. You see at the time I wasn't aware of my vampiric nature, I had awakened years earlier but remained ignorant as to the source of my problems. Anyway, after awakening I ended up subconsciously feeding on those around me without knowing it. Eventually this caused problems on the homefront. I recall my now ex telling me at the time that he dreaded coming home because I drained the life out of him. At the time I thought he was just being cruel. lol. Well, that's not to say he wasn't...but he had a point.

One day I ended up having something of a breakdown. A part of me just plain shut down. I was tired of always feeling his disapproval and judgments so I just shut that part of me off, walled it up and packed it away in a pretty bow. It created something of a sense of empathic blindness in me in a sense. I didn't know it at the time but I had basically created a two way shield between myself and the rest of the world. Everywhere I went I would imagine myself in a metal box with no openings, tucked safely away from the hurt of the world around me. This also ended up making the subconscious feedings impossible...nothing got in that shield and nothing got out.

I spent a good couple years that way. The first thing i noticed was my immune system went way the hell downhill. I got sick a lot and often had a hard time recovering from it. I also had trouble with depression which over time became worse and worse. My health continued to deteriorate as well. Within the two year time span that time occurred I ended having to have 3 surgeries.

After the final of the three, I decided to kinda peek out of the box and see if the world was still there the way I remembered it as having been, swimming with a sea of the emotions of others. It was when I woke up from that third surgery in fact. And i found that moment I pictured an opening in that box that surrounded me, the whole thing came tumbling down and I now have the words to describe what I felt that day. In short, I didn't just feed...I feasted! I recovered from the surgery in such record breaking time that I startled the doctors whose care I was under. My lingering depression also was gone within a matter of days.

In fact, that experience was what led me to begin my journey to discover who and what I really am. I decided to research empathy and in time I quite literally stumbled across the OVC (Online Vampire Community). Since then I've learned a great deal about the things I'd experienced that I had no words to describe at the time.

Awakening/Becoming/Ascending

I have to admit that one of the things that interested me greatly when I first came across the vampire and otherkin community was the subject of awakenings. Awakening is known to all of us as one of the most difficult, confusing trials that we will withstand and unfortunately, all too often we must go through this alone and without answers as to what is happening to us. It is that time in our lives that our body and mind tell us that we are not only different but we are extremely different to a point of this difference becoming a splinter in our minds. I understand all too well how this can be a frustrating thing because of the inability to put a finger on exactly what it is that we may be experiencing that is really so different then the rest of humanity at large. But none the less there is something there and it needles away at us, beckoning us to search…but for what we know not. Granted each person’s experience with awakening is different but we all know that there are also many similarities.

There are a million and one articles and posts out there that describe the physical aspects of awakening so I will keep that portion of this article to a minimum. I can only speak on the physicals of a vampiric awakening being as it has been many lifetimes since I have experienced the physicalities of awakening as any other form of otherkin. Though I do still carry certain traits of other types of kin (fae, celestial, wolf, cat), vampire is that which reigns supreme in my soul today. So because of this I can only speak of what my own personal experience was with physical awakening. Please bare with me, I will keep this part as brief as possible.

Personally I didn’t have very many physical symptoms of awakening. To the best of my knowledge the most I can pinpoint as regards the time period is just after my high school graduation during the summer of my 18th year. There are many reasons it is difficult for me to really say “this right here is the day I awakened” but for the most part it is because it was so subtle for me. Firstly, I began getting headaches and migraines when I had previously never had a migraine in my life. It became difficult for me to remain awake and coherent during the day, especially the mornings. I know that for some this is a normal part of being a teenager but up to this point I was most definitely a morning person. But no longer was this the case. At night, my energy level would spike and I would become almost manic in my need to exert myself. My eyes became more sensitive to light and more accustomed to the dark. And finally there is the biggest physical symptom I had…my appetite became difficult to control. I hungered and craved for something that I could not place and nothing would satisfy me, therefore causing the yo-yo effect of weight gain and loss. That is pretty much it as far as the physical aspects of my own awakening. However, the mental and emotion aspects….ahhh, now this is a very different matter my friends.

You see when it comes to awakening it is the common opinion of most that there are different stages. There is the physical awakening stage and this is usually the first stage. It is the one that is mostly spoken of when people mention something like “I awakened two weeks ago”. Though the validity of being able to pinpoint a specific day has always escaped my understanding, it doesn’t change the fact that almost everyone seems to know when it was they went through this stage. Then there is the emotional/mental awakening, also known as Becoming. This is the second stage. And finally there is the third stage, that of spiritual awakening, commonly referred to as Ascension.

The second and third stages are the ones that are most often neglected when it comes to information and personal experience being relayed to others. What is it like for everyone else? Is it also something that we all have certain similarities in? Do all kin go through this feeling of “self absorption” or “selfishness” for months on end? Am I really normal, or at least as normal as I can be considering I have a more human then human soul?? What does all this mean? And then there is the biggest question of all…Why????

We all have these questions and many more my friends. And it is the search for answers to these questions that seem to be the single defining aspect that otherkin of all types have in common. We band together in both the online and offline world in our attempts to quench this curiosity of ours and bring some semblance of peace and balance to our existence here on this plane. It seems to me that this is both our greatest strength and our greatest weakness. It is our weakness because it is the root of our feelings of being cut off and adrift in this world, alone. However, it is our strength because it drives us toward one another, to be reunited with lost loves, to create the unbreakable bonds of eternal friendship, to continue our paths of self discovery. As so many other things in life, it is a two sided coin, yin and yang.

So what does it mean exactly to Become? Well, once again I can only speak from my own experiences. Though my physical awakening occurred many years ago, Becoming was something that took much longer to come to fruition for me. I spent more then a decade dealing with the issues of ignorance as to what was “wrong” with me. I went through depression and upheaval in my emotions for a long time. I took risks that were foolhardy and yet, thankfully, I came out the other side with nothing more then bad memories. When I quite literally stumbled across the vampire community it was at a time that I was finally ready to accept that there is much more to the world around us then that which is presented to us by the narrow confines of society’s views. I can honestly say that if I had read many of the things that I have learned of more recently, in an earlier part of my life, I would have turned a blind eye to them. I would have made any excuse I could to explain away why these things were silly fantasies and nothing more. But as it would just so happen, I came across such things when the time was ripe for it. I still had the feelings of incredulity at the fact that people would claim such things were real, but something kept me reading. You see, there were similarities that I just plain couldn’t ignore. There were actually other people in this world that had been going through the same things I had!! And my thoughts that I was one day meant to shine, meant to be so much more then I currently was became more then just a fleeting fantasy.

And so I read and read and read and read. I devoured anything I could find on the subject. The more information I found, the hungrier I became for knowledge. The questions drove me to find answers and in turn with every answer that was found it gave birth to ten more questions. But at last I was learning! The world opened up to me at last. It was both an excited and yet frightening time for me and this is something that is common for us when we Become. Even though we experience excitement at the knowledge that we are finally getting somewhere in our search for understanding, we also often experience fear, shame, guilt or any combination of such due to the fact that what we are learning is challenging those belief structures that we have long accepted as simple fact. Our religious views may become obsolete in a sense and because of the nature of religious philosophy, this can definitely cause emotional upheaval. Some of us are raised with a more open minded view of the world and this can be extremely helpful in Becoming. But for those of us that come from more narrow minded, closed off, judgmental backgrounds…oh how we have changed!!

It is this change in our acceptance of societal norms as gospel truth that causes much of the emotional aspects of Becoming. We are taught that it is wrong to spend so much time within our own minds, that we must devote our attentions to our families and friends rather then ourselves. This is true but only to an extent. We, by nature, are both the most introverted and extroverted of people. We experience our environment on a level that most will never even fathom. To us, the world is richer, filled with more to experience in any given situation then others could possibly imagine. Thus, this brings out our extroversion…we react to the environment that reacts to us. However, we are constantly processing these things. We weigh and measure everything that our senses tell us, everything that we feel (and boy, do we feel), and everything that we are told becomes subject to this mental process. We search others words for truth or lies, we examine every little nuance and unceasingly, unrelentingly dissect them. Therein lays our introversion. We over think everything. We analyze and pick apart and reassemble. And then we wonder to ourselves why it is that we get to wrapped up in our own thoughts that sometimes we forget to speak aloud to others when they ask us a question. Once again it is the yin and the yang…introversion and extroversion. For me, finding balance in these things is the final aspect of Becoming whereas the seeking out of all this knowledge and information is the meat and potatoes of it. So when you get to this point, you may begin to ask yourself…now what?

This brings us to the matter of Ascension, the spiritual awakening. For some, Ascension and Becoming go hand in hand. For others, they experience first one and then the other. For myself, I am one of those that have the two blending together a bit, making it difficult for me to really separate the two. So I define it this way, if Becoming is about learning then Ascension is about putting that knowledge to use and acknowledging, discovering and generally getting to know our higher selves. Ascension is something that I suspect many continue to experience during the entirety of their remaining years, or at least this is what I expect will be the case for me. Spiritual enlightenment is a dynamic and fluid thing. It evolves and grows and with it so do we. Ascension is for me the most magical stage. That which allows us to truly be what we were meant to be. It is our time to shine. It is the most individual and solitary of the stages also. For each persons path leads to one’s own personal ends.

However, because of the ties and bonds that were created along the way, we never again need to feel alone or cut off. We have our Family in those that we have shared lifetime after lifetime with and they will help us along the way should we lose our footing and veer off our intended path. And though Ascension is a very personal and individualistic thing, it is those around us that help to make it possible for they serve as our anchors in balance and our conscience in realistic ideals. As for myself, this is where I am at today. I have the individual path that I walk but I am no longer alone on it for I have my Family at my side to share in my triumphs and losses. Together we can accomplish…everything. And so can you.