The BDSM Scene & Aftercare

Aftercare: Affectionate care and attention following any type of traumatic or mentally challenging event.

For those who are new to the BDSM lifestyle, there are certain aspects of a scene that aren't fully understood until it is too late. One such aspect is subspace, also referred to as subdrop. Subspace is the state of mind for a submissive who is so engrossed in a scene that they start to lose themselves. While most people associate BDSM with the physical aspects of the scene, there is a large amount of mental aspects to a scene as well and those need to be addressed closely during every scene.

The best comparison I can make for people who are inexperienced with the lifestyle, subspace is like getting drunk or getting high on drugs. You forget the pain, the problems, all your cares seem to drift away while you're in this state. It's a state of mind that impairs rational thought and decision making skills. It's a state that needs to be monitored carefully for all parties involved.

If a scene is shared between two people who have explicit trust and a total power exchange, the submissive feels free enough to put themselves into their Dominant's hands completely. They allow themselves to enter a state of deep recession and incoherence, a dangerous situation for an inexperienced couple. If a submissive goes far enough into subspace, they could injure themselves without knowing it. If the Dominant doesn't understand the dangers of subspace, it's even more dangerous for the submissive.

A submissive that goes deeply into subspace will often need to have the Dominant keep a close eye on them so that they aren't putting him or herself in danger, making sure that after the scene they are cared for. For instance, during or after an intense whipping scene, a submissive in subspace, can often beg for more, not knowing that if they could be harmed physically by it. The dominant needs to ensure that the submissive comes down from the endorphin high slowly, carefully cared for so that they don't come down all at once.

Dominants can pull a submissive to such a level of subspace that it can produce a state of complete incoherence due to the increase of hormonal and chemical reactions within the body. The submissive starts to feel detached from reality, leaving them unaware of the dangers they are facing. As the high comes down, and the parasympathetic nervous system starts to come into play, leaving behind a state of complete exhaustion, as well as confusion. Many submissives, upon reaching certain levels of subspace can lose all awareness of the amount of pain that they are in, causing any new pain stimulus to prolong the time that they are within subspace.

What can a Dominant do to care for their submissive and make sure they come down from subspace safely? Allowing the submissive to rest is usually the best choice. It lets them come down at their own pace, naturally, while refreshing them for anything else that they need to do that day. If allowing them to sleep isn't possible, then giving them chocolate will help as well, since it releases the endorphins quicker. The dominant must always remember that when a submissive is in subspace, they may not want to come down from it, since it is a feeling of bliss that they don't want to lose. It's the dominant's responsibility to make sure that the submissive does come down safely.

Being aware of the risks that are involved in any scene will prepare a dominant to care for the submissive, keeping them safe and happy. Awareness of all the aspects before, during and after a scene keeps the scene from crossing the line that lives between a loving and healthy BDSM relationship and abuse.