The Black Cat

With next month being Halloween, I thought it appropriate to speak about the connection between black cats and magickal traditions. To start with, there have been many sick and twisted individuals over the years that have tortured and maimed black cats simply because they believe them to be familiars of witches or incarnations of the Devil. Sadly, this is a practice that can and does still occur on occassion. However, black cats are like any other cat in the sense that they hold the same finicky tastes, have the same humorous interest in chasing string and ribbons and take the same path from point A to point B (across your face as you sleep) that other cats take.


The difference in black cats versus other creatures, when it comes to the magickal tradition, is not in the animal's traits but more in the symbolism behind the animal. The symbolism of the cat, being an animal that is known to have closer ties to other planes, can be a strong way to visualize one's will and intent. If one believes that the animal they are working with is more capable of helping them to reach their goal, then the person trying to attain the goal will indeed have a better chance of achieving said goal. Mentally it can be viewed as something of a placebo effect. However, most do not wish to view it that way because they do not like to think that magick comes purely from mind and Will rather then tools, props and ritual. Also, the symbolism of a black animal holds meaning as well. Black can symbolize things like death, transition, rebirth, a changing of guards, the fall of one system and subsequent rise of another, and so on and so forth. There are a multitude of things that can hold meaning to the practitioner as they work with the animal and there is no limit to what can be accomplished when the practioner comes to the understanding that the animal is simply a focal point of visualization rather then the actual power coming from the animal in question.

So let's talk a little about history. Why do people still have such a strong reaction to black cats in general and where does the belief that they are either good or bad luck come from? In El Libro de San Cipriano, first published in 1510 and later smuggled from Spain to Mexico among other grimiores in the early 1540's, we see reference to El Gato Negro (The Black Cat). This grimiore was known to make reference to both black magick and white magick and even had a special section that was specifically for rituals and spells involving the black cat. Previous to that black cats were made reference to but not in the context we are discussing here. In ancient Kemet (modern day Egypt), there are many references to cats, however the color was not a major factor. At the time they were becoming known for their symbolism and connections to other planes of existence. Later, as the dark ages approached and mysticism took a back seat to the crusades in Europe, societies views toward cats changed from one of reverence to one of revulsion. Because cats had become so overpopulated, entire colonies of them were beginning to starve. This coupled with the prevelance of biting insects and the spread of disease due to unclean practices when dealing with animals that are likely to come into contact with rats, gave cats a very bad reputation in Europe for being the bringers of bad luck, misfortune and even death. With the spread of the Black Plague, cats saw the depths to which they could be hated by a society that does not understand their nature. Without the scientific understanding of germs and the spread of such, cats became the scapegoat by which European society explained the multitude of deaths that occured. It became acceptable practice to kill cats as well as those that "kept" them, for fear that they were the bringers of the devil's work. How far we have come from this foolish and misled view of such an inspiring creature!

The grimiore of El Libro de San Cipriano, which later became one of the fundamental grimiores from which Mexican Burjeria was derived, gives many examples of ways in which the black cat can assist one's magickal practices. However, it is unfortunate to say that because of the views of cats in general at the time that this grimiore was written, there are some scewed views of what sorts of things one would do with the animal in order to utilize it's focal powers. Over time we have come to see that the will and intent behind the magick performed are more important then the literal translation of the actions suggested. For instance, there is a spell that refers to using a black cat to bring harm to an enemy by setting the cat loose at a crossroads. This is not the entirety of the spell but for the purposes of this article will suffice. This can be viewed as neglectful if the cat you are setting loose is a family pet, but in the view of the day, it was much more humane then the actions most others would have performed on the animal. On another note, the black cat was also used to bring good fortune to the practitioner in another spell which simply involves keeping a black cat as a pet and spreading ground sea salt on it's back once a week. In my opinion, that would make for a better day anyway because of the subsequent purrs and snuggles involved by giving kitty a nice rub and scratch. There are many beliefs and traditions that follow, in one form or another, the use of black cats to invoke a variety of outcomes. However, it is always important to research things thoroughly before ever performing any ritual. Understand that it is your own will that drives the action of any ritual performed, not the animal, nor the tools involved. With this in mind, you may find that you are better prepared to begin to create your own rituals and practices. They may include El Gato Negro, or they may not. The choice is yours.

Aura Colors & Their Meanings

There are many different ideas as to exactly what each specific shade means when it comes to the color of a persons aura. But I think this has something to do with the fact that even with those that can see auras, each individual person sees the shades slightly differently. What may appear violet to one person may appear to be a deeper purple to someone else or to a third person may seem closer to blue. So it can be somewhat difficult to find a completely accurate description of aura colors and their meanings. However, the main categories of color do have certain traits and meanings attached to them. As someone that is both an empath as well as an aura reader, it was a tad easier for me to check and see for myself that the meanings described, do indeed mean what they are said to mean. That being said, I'll include some of the more basic colors and their general meanings in the paragraphs below. Be aware though that every individual is different and because of that fact, there may be some variations for yourself or others. When reading someone's aura, it is important to trust your instincts.


Disclaimer:

Here are the colors and meanings as I have come to understand them. Again, this is only what the color means to me when I see it, not necessarily what it means to everyone because someone else may see the subject as an entirely different color so this is all to be taken with a measure of understanding in regards to that fact.


Red:

Passionate, Driven, Assertive, Motivated, Dominant, Creative, Problem Solver, Competitive, A Survivor. This person has a powerful personality and is extremely sensual and seductive. In short they are "sex on a stick" and it shows in everything they do or say, making them very attractive and charismatic people. They are often the life of the party and their magnetic personalities will attract a great many romantic admirers and allies. However, they can also be formidable opponents once a person finds themselves on their bad side because their passionate nature can easily spur their anger into rage. There is also a possibility of materialism and once they set their sights on a specific goal their single minded pursuit of it can be so focused that it can evolve into full blown obsession if left unchecked. People of this variety make excellent business executives, rock stars, actors, media moguls, politicians, high powered attorneys and other influential go-getters.


Gray or Smoky:

Depression, Sluggishness, Fatigue, Drained, Lethargic, Apathetic, Listless, Muscle Weakness, Poor Immune System. I have noticed this to be a more temporary type of color. I have only met one person that had an aura of this color on what seemed to be a permanent basis and that person had suffered from depression and left it untreated for many years. This is also a color that will often settle over a vampire that suffers from deep need and has gone too long between feedings. It is not uncommon to become tired and feel sleepy or even sad when in the presence of someone that has an aura of this color, especially if you are highly empathic.


Yellow:

Spirituality, Enlightenment, Knowledge, Inspiration, Ascension, Humility. There is also the possibility of physical ailments and a weak connection to the physical realities of this world. This is the color of aura said to have surrounded some very well known spiritual figures and religious leaders such as Gandhi, Mother Theresa and The Dali Lama. It is my belief that the bright and shining halo that is so often found surrounding images of the Christian Messiah, Jesus Christ, in paintings of him during the time period that preceded his crucifixion, was actually the artist’s way of depicting the yellow color of his aura which he gave off so strongly that it was even visible to those not normally sensitive to seeing aura colors. I may be a pagan but religious beliefs aside, there is no denying the fact that there was a man answering his description that was a spiritual leader to many during that time and his faith and the faith of his followers would have imbued him with a rather strong aura indicating that he was, as such, a spiritually minded man.


Green:

A Healer, Compassionate, Caring, Kindness, Generous Nature, Animal Lover. Many doctors, nurses, therapists, counselors, veterinarians and philanthropists can be found to have an aura of this color. This person loves to help and comfort those that need it. There is a certain rare gentility of spirit that tends to accompany these people and though their urge to help can take them into high pressure environments, they are good at keeping a cool head in the heat of the moment. This is a forgiving and intelligent type of person but there is also a natural innocence within them in regards to the forces of malevolence, which can cause them to be rather gullible in their younger years. If left unhealed after being taken advantage of or falling victim to falsehoods, this can lead to disillusionment and the eventuality of a somewhat cynical or bitter outlook later in life.


Orange:

Vibrant, Enthusiastic, Genuine, Energetic, Spontaneous, Confident, Happiness, Carefree. These people are a real joy to be around. Their infectious humor and optimistic outlook on life is refreshing and endearing. They are very friendly and are often actively flirtatious. They love to make people laugh and their smile can light up a room. Although there is no such thing as a person that is happy all of the time, this person enjoys the ups and doesn’t take the downs too seriously. There is, however, a tendency toward forgetfulness, flightiness and the possibility of a short attention span which can lead to boredom and mischief. This person is a prankster but it is always in good fun as they are also known for being a fiercely loyal friend.



Purple:

Honorable, Trustworthy, Noble, Courageous, Loyal, A Champion of Justice, Fair, A Natural Born Leader. There is a reason that royalty is often associated with this color. Those that have an aura of this color often have the charisma, passion and ambition of a red colored aura as well as the diplomacy, intelligence and wisdom of a blue colored aura. It is therefore not difficult to see why there may also be the possibility of arrogance and manipulation, albeit always with the good of the group in mind. This person carries a heavy weight on their shoulders and it is a mark of strength and fortitude to have an aura of this particular hue. It is very difficult to make such hard decisions as this person must make, because although they always act with their people in mind, it can be a lonely existence at the top and as we all know it is impossible please everyone all of the time.



Blue:

Empathic, Intuitive, Creative, Intelligent, Loving, Sensitive, Understanding, Patient, Wise, Diplomatic, Realistic, Grounded, Calm, Peaceful. This person has many attributes of a true empath and they can often be found in jobs that involve social sciences such as teachers, social workers, childcare specialists, caregivers for the elderly and non-profit organization volunteers. Their patient and understanding nature makes for good parenting skills and this becomes evident in their strong family ties. These are people that maintain close relationships with the extended families and they are fiercely protective of those that are a part of their core group. Equally good at giving advice as well as listening these people make wonderful confidantes and their compassion can be very comforting in a time that would otherwise be difficult. Where those with a green aura tend to heal the body and mind, these people settle the soul and heart. One thing to look out for with this color of aura though is a tendency to procrastinate and put off distasteful tasks until the last minute. They can also be slow to admit failure and stubborn about apologizing if they believe they are in the right.



Darkened, Shadowy or Black:

Chaotic, Predatory, Dishonest, Manipulative, Dangerous, Malevolent, Harmful, Fierce, Mentally Unstable, Criminal Inclinations, Chronic or Terminal Illness, The Presence of Death. Beware! I have run across a few people that seem to have a shadowy, dark or even black aura that either surrounds them like a mist or that they might even carry within themselves. This blackness is quick to spread to those that spend time with or speak to someone that has this color of aura. I have come to understand that these are people around which one should be on their guard and very cautious. Once this blackness spreads it tends to stick to one like a film residue and it can be difficult to rid oneself of the feeling that one has been dirtied and is unable to get clean again. This type of aura tends to accompany people that are extremely selfish, have ulterior motives and agendas, are untrustworthy or may even have malicious intent. This may not always be directed at you but use extreme caution in all dealings with this person. Another completely different meaning for having this color in the aura can also be in connection with the lingering presence of death or illness that surrounds a person. I have seen people that were terminally ill that had small patches of their aura become darkened and concealed as if in shadows, oftentimes over the area of their body that the illness has made the most impact. As they grew closer and closer to death, the darkness over them also grew until the day it overtook them and they passed on.

Vampiric Abilties: Fact or Fiction

From the newly awakened to the seasoned mentor, most Vampires are fascinated with what abilities they might possibly be able to learn and/or master. For those that are just at the beginning stages of learning, this can be one of the most exciting parts of the process. When I first stumbled across the Vampire Community, I actually didn't believe that Real Vampires existed, despite the fact that I had awakened a little over a decade beforehand. One of the things that kept me progressing in my efforts to learn more was the fact that in continuing to read the words of other's experiences, I began to notice certain similarities between their stories and my own. The largest portion of these similarities lay within the subject of the abilities that they had noticed having. So in keeping with the effort to aid in the furthering of accurate and reliable knowledge within this group, I felt it would perhaps be beneficial to begin this thread as a place to discuss the various abilities that we as Vampires are capable of. I will address a few in the following paragraphs but please come forward to add your own questions and comments on the subject. There is no way I could possibly cover all viable abilities in this one post, but perhaps by discussing some of them it will spark some inner reflection in which you, the reader, will be spurred on to think of others.

First, let's dispel a few myths regarding Vampiric Abilities.

There are two separate varieties that these myths often take form as. First there is the outright fictional type of myths. These are the ones that we could not accomplish by any stretch of the imagination. Such as the ability to change our form to that of a bat or the ability to fly. Real Vampires can do neither unfortunately (though I admit it would be pretty cool if we could). The second type of myth are those that serve as an exaggeration of real abilities. A couple examples of this would be the myth that states that we have "superhuman" strength and speed and could easily outrun a speeding car or even lift a bus as if it weighed nothing. These are the tricky sort of myths because, although we may have slightly quicker reactions or may be stronger then one would expect for someone of our stature, we still remain within the range of human possibility. For instance, we could not lift a car on a whim but much as it has been known that a mother can find the strength to lift a vehicle off of her toddler by the strength of her will and adrenaline alone, many of us are also capable of such feats of strength in the event of an emergency. In a non-emergency situation however, we are only capable of slightly increased strength. Though we cannot outrun a speeding car, we can often at will put on a burst of speed as we run that is slightly faster then one would imagine to be possible. In other words, upon taking notice of our abilities an outside observer might say something like, "Wow...that person is stronger then they look!" or "That person has great reflexes!". However you should not expect to hear anyone refer to you as being "faster then a speeding bullet" anytime soon because if you do, you will surely be disappointed.

So what types of abilities are possible?

There are some that are physical in nature such as having a more sensitive sense of smell, acute hearing or highly developed night vision. These are common. There are also those that are more mental or psychic in nature such as Empathy which, although they not exclusively vampiric abilities, they do occur in higher percentages within the Vampire population then they do within the Mundane (mainstream human) population. Below I will list some of these abilities.

Empathy - the ability to transmit emotions over a distance or experience someone else's emotions as one's own

Telepathy - the ability to transmit thoughts over a distance or read someone's mind

Clairvoyance - the ability to see things that are outside the normal range of perception

Clairaudience - the ability to hear things outside the normal range of perception

Precognition - having knowledge of an event before it occurs by means of extrasensory perception

Astral Projection - the ability to seperate one's soul from their physical body and leave the physical body for a limited time to roam the astral plane or travel to other locations within the physical world and/or interact with other people.

Divination - the ability to foretell future events or reveal truth with unusual insight by means of occult practices such as the reading of tarot cards, tea leaves, crystal balls, astrological charts, numerology, palm reading, etc, etc.

Retrocognition - the ability to see objects or events in the past that one has no way of having had previous knowledge of

Psychokinesis (PK) - the ability to move objects or affect physical processes outside the body through mental effort alone. This is also often referred to as Telekinesis.

Aura reading - learning about people by perceiving the colored aura that surrounds them

Dreamwalking - entering another person's dream while you also are in a unconsious state or calling another into your own dream.

Pyrokinesis (one of several forms of elemental manipulation) - being able to manipulated fire by sheer will of thought.

What is the cause of Vampirism??

I was recently asked, "Does anyone know why vampires have 'leaky energy' in the first place?" There are a multitude of theories out there regarding what the cause of vampirism (or more specifically, the need to feed) really is. Some say it is caused by damaged chakras, a theory which would lend itself to the concept of the vampire's inability to keep the energy that their systems produce. Others say it is something akin to a scientific or medical malady created by man by way of a virus that has caused some sort of mutation on the basic DNA makeup of an otherwise completely normal individual. A virus which is currently only able to be treated through metaphysical means by way of feeding. Which of course, would cause one to wonder if perhaps someday there will be a medical answer...a "cure" for vampirism so to speak. Still others believe that vampires don't necessarily leak energy but instead just don't produce enough of it on their own to be able to maintain a healthy and happy life. There are even those that believe that feeding isn't needed to replenish a deficient energy system so much as simply being a tool. One which is used to achieve greater use and control of one's abilities and therefore eventually leading to the ascension of one's higher self.

However, no one really knows for sure why we are the way we are. I suspect this is because there actually isn't one universal answer that covers all of us. I say this because despite the many different theories available out there, most have one specific theory that seems to make more sense to them then the others. Even among those that haven't heard any the various theories, upon deep self reflection many find that they will pose a theory on their own. And it will, most times, be among one of the already proposed possibilities for the cause of vampirism.

My personal thoughts on the subject is that there isn't one cause, one reason. In my opinion, I think there are various causes. Perhaps, only when we look at each person on a case by case basis, will we be discover each person's individual reason for being of such a nature. In my case, I know that the cause of my own vampirism is due to none of the above theories. The reason I need to feed is that I use my energy up very quickly. I produce it just as well as any non-vampiric person. In fact I would actually hazard to guess that if there were a way to physically measure such a thing, one would find I might even produce energy within my personal stores faster then normal. However I still use it up too fast and this is not something I have control over. It just takes a great deal of energy to maintain many of my abilities. Empathy, telepathy, telekinesis, astral projection, energy work, healing and dream walking all take energy to maintain and/or accomplish. Because many of these abilities are not of the sort that I can easily switch on or off, i have no say in whether my energy get's used this way or not. The abilities are there to stay but they do cost me. Therefore vampirism is the only answer for me. Even if I went to a healer, they could not help me because it is not caused by some sort of damage that would benefit from a healers touch.

Ebook: Tantra - Soul Sex For Two

Soul Sex- Tantra for Two

Update: As She Slipped Away

To any and all that read the post I made titled "As She Slipped Away", I wish to say thank you for the kind thoughts and warm wishes. I also wished to give an update as to the condition of the girl on the table.

She is doing a good deal better! She has been moved from the ICU at the hospital and is now in a regular room until such time as a bed can be found at a proper psychiatric facility where she will be able to have her meds adjusted to more suitable levels. With that and a bit of counseling we expect her to be doing better emotionally soon, as well. She should be able to come home in the next week or week and a half.

On a side note, I asked her if she remembered any of what happened while she lay in the table and she said that she didn't but she does remember the touch of my lips on her forehead. When I told her that even though I had been unable to be there physically that I never left her side through the long dark night, she said she knew because she felt me nearby with her.

She wasn't angry with me either as I had feared she might be. She apologized profusely when I saw her and said she had tried to be strong but that she had failed. I told her that her shame wasn't necessary when it comes to me. I love her exactly as she is and nothing will ever change that. We hugged and we cried, held hands and snuggled...all of the things I had been so afraid I would never be able to do with her again. So...that was a very very good day.

Feeding Technique: The Elements

This for me is an interesting one since it also depends on what element I'm feeding from.

If it is Earth I am feeding from (the surrounding plants, animals, rocks, whatever that are around me) then I find the easiest way is simply to kind stretch out on the ground and first I listen to the sounds of life all around me. Say I'm in a forest...I zone in on the sounds of the birds in the trees, the creaking of the branches as they sway in the wind, the feel on the ground beneath me...eventually as I listen I will begin to pick up the smaller sounds...the insects in the bark of the trees, the leaves as they rustle beneath the weight of a single bird, the sound of a stream gurgling off in the distance. The more I zone into the sounds of life all around the more in touch I become with what I call the general spirit of the forest. I can feel it within me as I become a part of it. Once that connection is made mentally it becomes easy to visualize the life of the forest as it settles into you from the trees above and soaks up through your skin from the ground below. It is a gentle, calming and very relaxing feed.

If it is Fire I am feeding from, I stare at the matter that is burning...say it's a log in a campfire. I watch the embers beneath the flames as the red glow runs over the surface of the log, curling this way and that, until it seems almost to be a living thing with a mind of its own. I hold onto this feeling and visualize the fire itself as something of an entity all on its own, extending my hands toward it and feeling the heat of its touch. I close my eyes then and continue to hold in my mind the thought that this could be something like a being that is caressing my skin with warm hands. This all helps to solidify my concentration when it comes to extending a tentacle to that "being" in my mind's eye and pulling on its energy much as I would a one on one Psi feed from a distance. I let a little energy out, enough to form the tentacle as it extends from my hands to the warmth of the flame and then I allow that heat to travel back up into my hands and through my body. At first it can be a rather invigorating feed with a hint of excitement gained but the longer you sit there the more mellow you will become and soon you will feed warm and gooey inside, like you've just eaten a warm batch of grandma's melty fudge brownies. Or for those of you that are old enough to know what I mean, it feels much like you've had yourself a nice snifter of warmed brandy.

If it is Air or more specifically Wind that I am feeding from I find it to be a very easy feed. Perhaps it is due to my own odd ability to manipulate and direct the Wind itself. Though it is not technically my "element" astrologically speaking (I am on the cusp of Aires and Taurus so I am a mixture of the fire and earth signs as far as my personality goes...passionate but grounded...Yay me!) I do find that I have something of a connection to this element at all times. When the wind is going to blow I can feel it coming. When it gusts too hard I simply ask it to calm and it does. If the air is too still and stagnant I ask a breeze to come along and sure enough it will come. So I find this particular element and easy one to feed from as well. I simply call up a strong breeze by asking for one in my mind and as it blows I stand in it's path and let the gusts beat against my skin, simply soaking in what it has to offer. It almost reminds me of when someone pushes their energy into you. I don't usually need to pull anything in because it finds its own way quite easily. Much like the element of Air itself the energy it carries feels thin, as if it could weave its way between my very cells with little to no effort on my part. I can understand how it might not work that way for most though so I apologize if the description is of little help. The feed itself is, to me, a revitalizing one even though it is not terribly long lasting in its effects. It will always put a perky bounce in my step for a day or so though.

When it comes to Water however, I find this to be the opposite. I find it to be a more difficult feed as the energy has a thick quality to it in my opinion. I don't feed from things like showers, baths or pools...I find the man made atmosphere of it to be distracting to me and I become easily sidetracked with other thoughts. However I do know that there are some that utilize their showers as a daily booster in their own feeding schedules. When I do feed from water I find I must be in one of two places...either immersed in a moving body of water such as a river or somewhat deep stream, or I can also get away with being on a beach with as little as just my feet in the water. I do not know if it is the saltwater that makes a beach side feed easier or if it is simply the vastness of the body of water itself that is teeming with so much life, but I do find that the feed is easier at the beach. Perhaps it is actually because I find it easier to identify the ocean as having a will of its own. It is powerful and compelling, drawing sailors to it every day of the year. When a storm comes the sea can be as merciless as a coldhearted siren that pulls us deep into the cold drowning dark. I take it by now you see what I mean. To feed from the sea I must "feel" the power she holds. Only then can I allow the cold of the water at my feet to lick its way up my legs and carry the chill of it though my body. This is the feed. I find it to be the longest lasting of the elemental feeds and it is refreshing, invigorating, relaxing and rejuvenating all at once.

My Time In The Box

I went for a few years once without feeding. Worst...thing....ever. You see at the time I wasn't aware of my vampiric nature, I had awakened years earlier but remained ignorant as to the source of my problems. Anyway, after awakening I ended up subconsciously feeding on those around me without knowing it. Eventually this caused problems on the homefront. I recall my now ex telling me at the time that he dreaded coming home because I drained the life out of him. At the time I thought he was just being cruel. lol. Well, that's not to say he wasn't...but he had a point.

One day I ended up having something of a breakdown. A part of me just plain shut down. I was tired of always feeling his disapproval and judgments so I just shut that part of me off, walled it up and packed it away in a pretty bow. It created something of a sense of empathic blindness in me in a sense. I didn't know it at the time but I had basically created a two way shield between myself and the rest of the world. Everywhere I went I would imagine myself in a metal box with no openings, tucked safely away from the hurt of the world around me. This also ended up making the subconscious feedings impossible...nothing got in that shield and nothing got out.

I spent a good couple years that way. The first thing i noticed was my immune system went way the hell downhill. I got sick a lot and often had a hard time recovering from it. I also had trouble with depression which over time became worse and worse. My health continued to deteriorate as well. Within the two year time span that time occurred I ended having to have 3 surgeries.

After the final of the three, I decided to kinda peek out of the box and see if the world was still there the way I remembered it as having been, swimming with a sea of the emotions of others. It was when I woke up from that third surgery in fact. And i found that moment I pictured an opening in that box that surrounded me, the whole thing came tumbling down and I now have the words to describe what I felt that day. In short, I didn't just feed...I feasted! I recovered from the surgery in such record breaking time that I startled the doctors whose care I was under. My lingering depression also was gone within a matter of days.

In fact, that experience was what led me to begin my journey to discover who and what I really am. I decided to research empathy and in time I quite literally stumbled across the OVC (Online Vampire Community). Since then I've learned a great deal about the things I'd experienced that I had no words to describe at the time.

As She Slipped Away

She slipped away from me last night. One moment she was there on the table getting her stomach pumped and the next…nothing. I prayed last night. The strange thing was, I wasn’t even really sure whom I was praying to. Everyone…no one, it’s all the same really. I wouldn’t say that I am one who has lost their faith. I suppose one must have faith first to lose it. I had confirmation last night of something that has lingered in my mind for some time though.

I was praying to the nebulous someone or someones out there when I felt her spirit away. And rather then become saddened or more fearful, I felt a calm wash over me for a moment. With my eyes closed I felt the pain of a part of my soul being ripped from my heart and suddenly I knew what I should do. I stopped praying and I opened my heart and soul. I took the blinding light that I carry within me and I poured it into her still and quiet body mercilessly. I pushed the essence of my being into her as I have never pushed before, with purpose and determination.

I felt the doctors working on her, bustling around like so many busy ants. None of it seemed real though. It all seemed somehow to be so far from reality that it was like a haze, a fog settling in and only one thing remained clear. The girl that lay on the table before me was a drastic contrast to the activity around her. She lay there so absently, still as death itself. For that is what had settled over her briefly, this shroud of death which clung to her like a sticky film that one can’t wash off.

I stood at the end of the bed, next to her head, watching everything with a certain detached feeling. I marveled at the fact that none of the good doctors and nurses could see me. They perhaps could sense me if they were of the sort that could pick up on such things but I had no reason to think any of them were in fact a possible sensitive, privy to the sensations of astral bodies nearby. Frantically they continued their efforts and I smiled sadly at them, knowing they were doing their best and also knowing that it wasn’t working.

I placed my hand on her head, petting her hair the way she always liked. The movements of the doctors were becoming fewer and slower as time itself seemed to slow to a crawl. A nurse held a pen in her hand and had an eye on the clock, waiting to be told when to write down the time. I looked back down at the girl on the table and leaned forward, softly laying my lips upon her cool forehead and I breathed myself into her. With every breath I poured that which is me into her. She was the vessel and I became the liquid light that filled it. I felt myself reach out and pull everything I could from every other person in the room, a collective sigh escaping their lips. My eyes unfocused and still I filled her.

A hand touched my back and I knew it was He. He then reached for her hand and lifted it to his lips, doing the same as I. Together we let our power loose on her. Shadowy figures began stepping forward, family coming forth to lend a hand. And still I pressed my breath into her with a whisper, “It is not your time, little one. You must come back. I am sorry but you cannot yet leave. Hate me if you will but you must return. We need your light.” I felt her struggling, just out of reach. Not wanting to return.

“No! It hurts too much!! I want to go! Let me go!!!”, She says to me.

My heart feels another wrenching tear and I can no longer hold myself back. I feel that part of me take over, the part I hide the most, telling few about it. The Goddess steps forth from my inner core and I feel the large red wings spread out behind me. I lift my lips from her forehead and nothing but a piercing light can be seen where once my eyes were for they have gone blind in power, but I no longer need to see to accomplish what I must.

I place a hand upon her chest, over her heart and the other hand I stretch to the heavens. With a thought and the flip of a mental switch I am touching the Source of all and I become the conduit for its power. The sensation is overwhelming and a roar tears from my throat as I withstand the extreme discomfort. He comes to my side again, wrapping his arms around me and holding me up as my knees become weak. And still we do not stop.

A slow but steady sound begins to echo at last against the stark white walls and large glass door of the somewhat small room. This is shortly followed by a startled gasp. Beep…Beep…Beep. It is an odd sound. Beep…Beep…Beep. It is not a sound made by natural means, but rather by a manmade device, which suddenly has commanded the attention of everyone in the room. All eyes are turned toward it in rapt interest. Beep…Beep…Beep. I am slumped against Him now in exhaustion but I find the strength to lift my head and open my now dim eyes once more. Upon searching for the source of the gasp, my gaze falls upon the nurse with the pen. She is no longer staring at the clock. Her eyes dart between the girl on the table and the machine next to her that continues to give its repetitive series of beeps.

“Doctor…”, her eyes are wide and she simply stares, as whatever words she would have spoken trail off and become forgotten.

The girl on the table lies there in slumber now, her heart beating out a slow, soft, steady rhythm. My line of vision flicks over to the shadowy figures of those that had approached to lend a hand. With soft, relieved smiles and a sage-like nod from the both of them, they melt from my sight into the background. He and I each take turns caressing the sleeping girl’s cheek lovingly. Exchanging a meaningful glance with one another, we too step back from the table. We quietly fade from the room, hand in hand, so that we may once more find our physical bodies where they lay miles away, in a state of deep meditation.

My eyes flutter open and my thumb absentmindedly runs back and forth over the face of the cell phone in my hand. Shortly I will receive a call bearing news. They will tell me that she is in critical but stable condition. I lay there in the darkened room, alone with my thoughts.

I wonder to myself, will she hate me? Will she even remember? Or will she awake, as anyone else would, with no knowledge of what came to pass in that hospital room while she tried to slip away. An exhausted smile touches my lips and silent tears of relief trail from my eyes as I think to myself that could perhaps ask her tomorrow. I roll from my back to my side and curl up, still deep in thought. I had always suspected that there was real power beneath the surface of what meets the eyes of most when they look upon He or I. Pity that confirmation of such things must come in such frightening packages.

Fantasy Vs. Reality - The Vampire FAQs

I awakened to my Vampiric nature in this lifetime about 15 years ago and in the time that has passed since then I have been asked many questions about what Real Vampires are all about. So in the interest of free information, which I personally am all for, I have put together a list of the most frequently asked questions that I have gotten from normal mainstream folks that want to know more about my kind. The answers I give here are my opinions, observations and beliefs.

Are Vampires the walking dead?
No. We have completely mortal human bodies like everyone else.

Are Vampires immortal?
No. Our bodies do grow old and eventually die. Many of us do appear younger then our actual years though and we often will heal from wounds & injuries a bit faster then regular folks so this will make us more likely to reach a full lifespan. The myth of immortality may stem from the fact that many of us have memories from previous lives as our souls are reborn over and over. You can see how such a myth began when you consider how it would sound to an outsider if they were to overhear two Vampires discussing a previous lifetime in which they knew one another. It might begin to sound as if they have been ageless and immortal should they be heard discussing the day to day life of living during civil war times as if it were yesterday with the tone that one would use while discussing a shopping list. It is also a common opinion that not all vampiric and otherkin souls are reincarnated as some souls “feel” younger then others. But it is the “old souls” that have been mistaken for immortals and thus gave birth to this particular myth quite by accident.

Is a Vampire turned or born?
Vampires are born as they are, with vampiric souls. They are not turned. This is one of those nasty rumors that most true vampires will not touch with a ten foot pole. It is a controversial subject even among our own community because many of us have been plagued with endless requests to “please turn me”. This myth also can find it’s roots in reality to a certain extent though. You see, when a vampire is born they are in a “latent” or “dormant” state. It is not until they awaken to their vampiric state that they will take on the majority of traits attributed to one who is of our nature. This usually doesn’t occur until later adolescence for most but it has happened much earlier in some and much later in others. A latent vampire can sometimes be sparked into awakening by one or more awakened vampires though. A latent vampire exudes what is referred to as a beacon, which is an energy signature that other vampires can pick up on, drawing them to the latent vampire, though they may not always know why they feel so drawn to this person. This beacon has a powerful pull on the vampire and is often mistaken as physical attraction, love or deep friendship. It is merely the physical proximity of another vampire that will often spark such an awakening but because of the nature of the “beacon” and it’s highly emotional effects, it is easy to see how many would see a romance ensue between a vampire and a seemingly non-vampiric person, then before you know it, after a few hickeys or love bites show up, the awakening has occurred for the latent vampire and they begin to show symptoms of vampiric traits. This could be mistaken for the act of turn someone with a vampires “dark kiss”, but in reality both individuals were indeed born as vampires. Another way that this rumor of turning came to be is a condition known as sympathetic vampirism. This has been known to occur between a vampire and their donor. When a vampire feeds on the same donor too much or too often, the donor can then become depleted of their personal energy stores if not given the proper time and chance to allow their system to return to a normal state of being. When this happens, they may begin to display vampiric traits up to and including the need to feed. It could appear that this non-vampiric donor has thus been turned. However if the overzealous vampire gives their donor enough time and rest between feedings, then the donors system will indeed return to normal in time and such vampiric symptoms will cease. Therefore this also would not be considered to be a case of actual turning.

What about crosses, garlic, churches and holy water…do they harm or deter Vampires?
No, this is complete and total pish posh. Many vampires are fond of crosses for aesthetic reasons. Garlic adds a lovely flavor to a meal and I myself quite enjoy my Italian food with plenty of it. If you thrown holy water on a vampire, you will only succeed in pissing them off for having gotten their clothes wet (many of us are rather particular about our clothes and appearance). You will often find us in churches, temples, synagogues, mosques and any other place of worship because we come from all many of religious affiliation. You will find Catholic vampires, Protestant vampires, Mormon vampires, Muslim vampires, Buddhist vampires, Pagan vampires, Satanist vampires and many, many more because being a vampire has nothing to do with good and evil nor does it have anything to do with religious beliefs.

Are vampires Evil/Damned?
No, evil is a choice not an accident of birth or a product of ones nature. We do have some bad apples but no more then that of the general population of humanity as a whole. Many of us tend to be more sensitive, compassionate and generous in nature because it is so easy for us to pick up on the feelings and emotions of others. This causes many a vampire to choose to use their abilities to help heal others of their physical or emotional pain through energy work because we do not wish to see others suffer needlessly.

Can Vampires fly, shapeshift or command swarming clouds of bats?
Two words: I…wish. Seriously though, that would be awesome but no, we can’t.

Will a Vampire eat my soul?
Hahah. No. We have our own thank you very much, we don’t need yours too. What vampires do feed on is the energy (a.k.a. prana, chi, qui, lifeforce) of an individual. This is that which we find ourselves to be deficient of which needs to be replenished in order for us to lead happy, healthy lives. There are two different schools of thought regarding why vampires have this deficiency and both have merit. First there is the theory that we do not efficiently produce energy within our own personal stores as quickly as others do. Second, there is the theory that vampires expend their personal energy stores at a higher rate then other do due to the fact that many of our abilities require a great deal of energy to perform and/or maintain. In my own personal opinion, I think that it may be a combination of the two different theories that contribute to our depleted energetic states.

So do Vampires really drink blood??
Yes. Some of us do anyway. Blood is a very potent source of the energy that vampires require. Those that feed in this way are called Sanguine Vampires, or Sangs for short. Because blood is so rich in energy, a vampire does not need very much to reap the benefits of feeding. Contrary to popular Hollywood-style myth, a vampire can sustain themselves quite well from just a few teaspoons worth of blood (equivalent to one or two shot glasses full).

Do Vampires have fangs?
Some do. Some don’t. Slightly elongated canines are not a strictly vampiric trait though. It is a genetic/hereditary trait passed down from one’s family and can manifest in both vampires and those that are strictly human alike. So far, there does not seem to be a higher instance of elongated canines among vampires over that of the general populace.

So do Vampires consider themselves to be human?
This depends entirely on the individual vampire. Our bodies (also referred to at times as our shells) are completely 100% human, yes. There are those that believe that they are entirely human both inside and out, and that the only difference between themselves and the average joe is the need to manage an energy deficiency much as a diabetic must manage their insulin levels. However, there are others that retain memories of past lives, other planes of existence, other worlds even…and this causes them to come to the conclusion that despite their having human bodies, their souls are in fact “more human then human” and therefore specifically that of a vampiric rather then human soul. I am of the latter type myself. I consider myself to have a totally human body as well as a totally vampiric soul.

Can Vampires recognize each other? Could they pick one another out of a crowd?
Yes, for the most part. This is related to the beacon effect that latent vampires give off. The energy signature of an awakened vampire resonates in a way that is often easily recognized by other vampires as well as other varieties of otherkin. Depending on how strong a vampire’s personal beacon is, as well as how sensitive the one that is picking up on it is, it can result in anything from a little twinge of feeling that this person has a familiarity about them to an overwhelmingly powerful sense of being drawn to this person and just feeling deep down that you KNOW them. This feeling can be even stronger still if the other vampire is a member of one’s soul group (the group of souls that you have lived lifetime after lifetime with, spending eons with you as your mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, friends, lovers, enemies and comrades). In this case, once the two vampires recognize one another it will respark the eternal connection that the two have with one another and likely a lifelong bond is rediscovered between the two, for these are Family bonds that even death cannot break.

If you have other questions that you would like to see included and addressed in a future post, please feel free to email them to me at crystalis29@gmail.com or add them to the comments of the blog. Thanks all!